Later will come the 12 month stats post. This is just for me to gush and babble on about my feelings over the last year.
365 days have passed since you joined us, that fact is both incredibly hard to believe and totally doesn't seem high enough. To say adding a second kid to your family is a big change is an understatement. You feel like you have this kid thing nailed once you've had 3.5 years with your first under your belt. What you can't prepare for is the chaos that comes with adding a second kids with needs to take care of in that mix.
From the second that you were born the love for you has been huge. There was no learning how to mother curve like there was with the first just big, huge love. From the very first day I just wanted to enjoy every second of your newness and never let you grow! The kind of love that makes you tear up when you think 'this is the last time I will ever have a baby that does X thing of the day, or wears this piece of clothing', or how sad it was to think or even talk about having to go back to work. The things that I found incredibly frustrating the first time around in this parenting game came easy this time. In the newborn stage I didn't let the late sleepless nights get to me as much as they did with Addison, it's all just part of being a new baby after all. I didn't stress about doing things 'right' or how everyone else was doing it. I just did my own thing and let you do yours. My only concerns were that you were breastfed and happy.
Big sister did amazing with taking on her new role as NOT the only child. It took months for her to start in on the real jealousy, mostly we couldn't keep her hands and kisses off of you. We still have trouble with that some days! She adores you to no end. Most days she still loves to help get things like your clothes, a diaper, a bottle. Only once in a while do I get "why do I always have to do everything" as a response.
While I was off work on maternity leave, things were good! My days went like they should have, I had so much time to enjoy you, watch you grow and give undivided attention to your sister. Then came the dreaded back to work days and life has never been the same (except that nice little break I got at Christmas time). Our days are nothing short of hectic and crazy. It's bothers me to no end that you and your sister spend the majority of Monday-Thursday with the baby sitter, who thankfully you both love. I leave bright and early in the morning and arrive home late at night. Once I returned to work you quickly became very momma clingy. When I walk in the door you want nothing to do with anything but me holding you or feeding you. While it's a great feeling to be loved that much it's also incredibly exhausting to be the only one that you want. I feel like my nights happen in a blur of chaos, I'm constantly trying to multi-task to accomplish everything that needs done at night in about a two hour frame. I don't remember it being so crazy with just one kid, somehow a baby throws that all off and I'm not sure when I find the rhythm again! So I apologize to both you kids and my husband for any yelling, screaming, or general frustration that I pass on to you. I've felt a lot like I'm drowning Monday through Thursday for the past 9ish months and I have hated every second of the rush, rush, rush. I wish nothing more than to have more time to see my kids in a work day and to not feel like I have to constantly rush everyone around like a drill sargent. The good news is we've successfully reached our one year breastfeeding goals so I have just started not having to drag my pump and bottle back and forth to work everyday so it makes my life just that much less stressful. I'm also fairly certain that those hormones you keep around when you breastfeed, make me crazy stressed, you know that on top of everything else. They surely don't do good things for my body!!
Luckily, for my sanity, I have three days a week off from that chaos. My three days usually allow for some time to calm down and chill out and catch up on as much as I can at home that I have no time for during the week . I try to keep my own business afloat during those three days along with spending as much time as possible with you two. I love taking you kids places, but between the wildebeest that your sister is and having my hands full with baby and baby things it's not been as easy or as enjoyable for me to take two kids out anywhere as I would like it to be. Luckily sister is getting better and winter has to be just about over so hopefully we can start getting out more again! Momma need's outta the house! I haven't let you go stay at Grandma's other than once because, Momma guilt, I feel like I miss out on enough already of your baby stage and quite honestly, like your sister, you refuse to sleep well at night. I mean hello you are one now, its time to sleep an 8 hour stretch. Please, for moms sanity.
So before it sounds like this first year has been all crazy nuts insane, other than the lack of sleep at night and the crazy clinger, you have been amazing. You are one of the happiest, sweetest easy going babies. You make me smile with your crazy hair and sucked in lower lip. You learned to roll, to sit up, to crawl, to walk all too soon. You were supposed to be my second child who wasn't as much of a go-getter as the first and take your sweet time to learn those milestones yet you surpassed her with each and every one of them. Now you toddle along following people around the house like a lost puppy, just tagging along behind going along with whatever. We've nicknamed you destructo baby because in true boy fashion, if you can break it or smash it, you will and do. If it can be thrown you will throw it and if it can be made into a weapon to hit with you can believe you will do it. If I put you in the Tula and carry you, you are the happiest most content baby in the world, you barely ever make a peep in there (unless I stop moving!) You add to your vocabulary new words all the time now, perfecting "ouch" this past weekend and Grandpa insists he heard a "thank you". We figured out this weekend that you are not as fearless as your sister was when you threw an absolute shit fit over not wanting to sit on the Sandy pony at the store, we should have already sensed this seeing how sister was never one to cling or care where momma was in relation to her exploring! You love to dance anything that has a beat gets you smiling and moving, the washing machine running, a commercial on tv, a toy or the radio.
I don't want it to happen but inevitably it will, so I cannot wait to watch you grow into the little person that you are and watch your personality develop. I hope that you continue to be the easy going, go-with-the-flow kid that you are right now. If you choose to not be the wild maniac that your sister is that would be cool, (Momma can only handle so much anyway) but if you are a wild maniac I'll at least already have learned the skills to cope with the crazy. I hope you keep up those killer dance moves too little dude cause your Momma don't dance so there will be no lessons later in life!!
And, I promise you this: No matter who enters your life, I will love you more than any of them.
Happy First Birthday Alex!
365 days have passed since you joined us, that fact is both incredibly hard to believe and totally doesn't seem high enough. To say adding a second kid to your family is a big change is an understatement. You feel like you have this kid thing nailed once you've had 3.5 years with your first under your belt. What you can't prepare for is the chaos that comes with adding a second kids with needs to take care of in that mix.
From the second that you were born the love for you has been huge. There was no learning how to mother curve like there was with the first just big, huge love. From the very first day I just wanted to enjoy every second of your newness and never let you grow! The kind of love that makes you tear up when you think 'this is the last time I will ever have a baby that does X thing of the day, or wears this piece of clothing', or how sad it was to think or even talk about having to go back to work. The things that I found incredibly frustrating the first time around in this parenting game came easy this time. In the newborn stage I didn't let the late sleepless nights get to me as much as they did with Addison, it's all just part of being a new baby after all. I didn't stress about doing things 'right' or how everyone else was doing it. I just did my own thing and let you do yours. My only concerns were that you were breastfed and happy.
Big sister did amazing with taking on her new role as NOT the only child. It took months for her to start in on the real jealousy, mostly we couldn't keep her hands and kisses off of you. We still have trouble with that some days! She adores you to no end. Most days she still loves to help get things like your clothes, a diaper, a bottle. Only once in a while do I get "why do I always have to do everything" as a response.
While I was off work on maternity leave, things were good! My days went like they should have, I had so much time to enjoy you, watch you grow and give undivided attention to your sister. Then came the dreaded back to work days and life has never been the same (except that nice little break I got at Christmas time). Our days are nothing short of hectic and crazy. It's bothers me to no end that you and your sister spend the majority of Monday-Thursday with the baby sitter, who thankfully you both love. I leave bright and early in the morning and arrive home late at night. Once I returned to work you quickly became very momma clingy. When I walk in the door you want nothing to do with anything but me holding you or feeding you. While it's a great feeling to be loved that much it's also incredibly exhausting to be the only one that you want. I feel like my nights happen in a blur of chaos, I'm constantly trying to multi-task to accomplish everything that needs done at night in about a two hour frame. I don't remember it being so crazy with just one kid, somehow a baby throws that all off and I'm not sure when I find the rhythm again! So I apologize to both you kids and my husband for any yelling, screaming, or general frustration that I pass on to you. I've felt a lot like I'm drowning Monday through Thursday for the past 9ish months and I have hated every second of the rush, rush, rush. I wish nothing more than to have more time to see my kids in a work day and to not feel like I have to constantly rush everyone around like a drill sargent. The good news is we've successfully reached our one year breastfeeding goals so I have just started not having to drag my pump and bottle back and forth to work everyday so it makes my life just that much less stressful. I'm also fairly certain that those hormones you keep around when you breastfeed, make me crazy stressed, you know that on top of everything else. They surely don't do good things for my body!!
So before it sounds like this first year has been all crazy nuts insane, other than the lack of sleep at night and the crazy clinger, you have been amazing. You are one of the happiest, sweetest easy going babies. You make me smile with your crazy hair and sucked in lower lip. You learned to roll, to sit up, to crawl, to walk all too soon. You were supposed to be my second child who wasn't as much of a go-getter as the first and take your sweet time to learn those milestones yet you surpassed her with each and every one of them. Now you toddle along following people around the house like a lost puppy, just tagging along behind going along with whatever. We've nicknamed you destructo baby because in true boy fashion, if you can break it or smash it, you will and do. If it can be thrown you will throw it and if it can be made into a weapon to hit with you can believe you will do it. If I put you in the Tula and carry you, you are the happiest most content baby in the world, you barely ever make a peep in there (unless I stop moving!) You add to your vocabulary new words all the time now, perfecting "ouch" this past weekend and Grandpa insists he heard a "thank you". We figured out this weekend that you are not as fearless as your sister was when you threw an absolute shit fit over not wanting to sit on the Sandy pony at the store, we should have already sensed this seeing how sister was never one to cling or care where momma was in relation to her exploring! You love to dance anything that has a beat gets you smiling and moving, the washing machine running, a commercial on tv, a toy or the radio.
I don't want it to happen but inevitably it will, so I cannot wait to watch you grow into the little person that you are and watch your personality develop. I hope that you continue to be the easy going, go-with-the-flow kid that you are right now. If you choose to not be the wild maniac that your sister is that would be cool, (Momma can only handle so much anyway) but if you are a wild maniac I'll at least already have learned the skills to cope with the crazy. I hope you keep up those killer dance moves too little dude cause your Momma don't dance so there will be no lessons later in life!!
And, I promise you this: No matter who enters your life, I will love you more than any of them.
Happy First Birthday Alex!
