Momma needs a little ME time!

I survived Tuesday, to tell you the truth the thought of Tuesday was harder for me than the actual day.  Also I was so busy at work that I barely sat down until 2:30 when I finally got to eat my lunch.  Such is my life lately BUSY, BUSY, BUSY!

I'm not trying to complain because quite honestly I like to be busy, but I am going to.  I'm the kind of person that hate's having nothing to do, a full calendar makes me happy.  But lately the feeling of overwhelmed hits me like a ton of bricks roughly around 8pm every Tuesday without fail, and doesn't go away until about the same time Thursday night.  Seriously a 2 day 20 hour work week would be totally fine with me.   I mentioned it before but my husband started a new job the first week of August.  When he's working he is out of town, since he started he has been home for a grand total of I think 6 days....6 days folks, out of 46...so yeah, I'm not used to being a single parent.  And I work 10 hour shifts, an hour from home...do the math I get up at 4:30am get myself ready for work, get Addison up and head to the babysitters house by 5:15-5:20am, I leave work at 5:30 pm, drive to my car, drive to the sitters, get home at just about 10 minutes to 7...7PM.  That's real close to 14 hour days outside the house.    Andplusalso, I still have to make Addison and I dinner, find time to do household things, I try and squeeze in a workout, give Addison a bath and get her in bed close to 9.  Nights without toddler breakdowns aren't that horrible, but let me tell you right now on I-didn't-get-enough-nap-break-down-of-the-century-nights, we are both lucky to make it out alive - FOR REAL.  Of course after I get her to be I then spend any time I can editing pictures for an hour or two (lately till 11:30 when I curse myself for staying up too late).  After 2 days I am exhausted, and I still have 2 days left to go.  THANKFULLY it is Thursday (my Friday) and tomorrow I will go back to LOVING working 4 10's cause having a 3 day weekend every weekend is wonderful, it would just be nice to not be so stressed out all week long.  Part of me (a ginormous part of me) wishes I was a stay at home mom, or an I only work part time mom right now.

Breathing time, I need some.  And a few chill pills.

On top of my "real job", I've been doing my photography on the side, where busy is a good great thing, but adding to my stress level.  I've had a VERY busy September, and I love it, but wow I've had a session (or two) almost every day that I've not worked my real job.  Making me feel even more like I don't want to go to work Mon-Thurs.  I was actually relieved when one of my sessions this weekend rescheduled with me to give me an extra free day and I had purposely left one open because I knew I needed some time off.  (I have things that need paint on them!)

Good news is Tony has next week off.  ALL WEEK.  So we will be happy to have him home.  Partly because we miss him, mostly because mommy is going crazy.  :)  a little extra sleeping for me, and hopefully a lot less stress.  I got us tickets to the Lion's game on our anniversary so I am looking forward to that on the 30th also!

So excuse any extra absentmindedness, bitchiness, or my ability to just not notice anything around me.  My brain has no time for anyone else's crap.  I am dead on my feet and I think I might start developing narcolepsy.  For reals.

The Workin' Momma

Take a minute to go and read this: I'll wait.

http://anderson-va.blogspot.com/2011/02/this-too-shall-pass.html

That was written by one of the Mommies from the July 2010 birth board on Babycenter.  Its like she took my thoughts and feelings and put them into describable words.  This is exactly how it feels to be a working mom.  Its hard, its exhausting and all I want at the end of the day is relax spend time with my husband & daughter and get a little free time to myself.  Time where I don't have to think about what needs done, what I can't get done, what I could be doing instead.  I know I create myself more stress by constantly feeling like I need to keep up on everything instead of saying screw it and taking time out for me.  Its hard to not want your dishes clean, your house tidied up, and all the other loose ends tied at the end of the day.

It sucks to leave her every morning, and it sucks knowing that when I come home I have a million other things I should, could do besides chilling out and spending time with Addison.  Today I am vegging out on the couch right now while Addison is content on the floor with a whole mountain of toys and Tony is passed out  on the other couch.  Its wonderful but all I keep thinking is that I really need to get off my butt and dye my hair tonight or its going to be put off for yet another week. Truthfully the skunk roots are just beyond out of control at this point.  Dinner won't cook itself, eventually, soon, I have to go do that. Addison will need  to nurse and gets her dinner puree, of course a bath afterwards.  At times it would just be easier for me to just give her a bottle that I already pumped, just so I don't have to stop what I am doing/cooking/eating/cleaning to sit down for the 10 mins it takes her to eat.  I should welcome the break and the bonding moment.  If I try to delegate things I'm nagging, or I end up annoyed that its not done right.  Its a never ending to do list and I end up rushing around to get as much of the things I need to do done, so that I can rush to get ready for bed and get my clothes around for in the morning.  I feel like I am always going 100 miles an hour, perhaps I have forgotten how to just chill out.  That my friends is why I feel so hermit-like on the weekends, its my only time to lie around in my PJ's and not have to get anything done that I don't want to do and I LOVE IT!

But This Laundry Helper:

....is totally worth it!