Wednesday, with words

OMG life, chill out and let me blog.

Anyway, on Pinterest, I found a recipe for homemade bath paint.  I checked it out, saw it was SUPER easy and that I of course had everything on hand at home and decided to try it out with Addison for her bath last night. 

 Major success, she LOVED being able to "maka mess" kept adding more paint with the brush taking a step back and saying "Ta-Da almost done, I maka mess!"  so proud of herself.  Pretty sure this is going to become a bath time standard. Huge awesome factor when she dropped the container into the tub after 20 minutes of painting- the water turned pretty!  

Don't mind the yellow tint, my bathroom has horrid old florescent lighting and iphone doesn't seem to have the right white balance for that!

Momma needs a little ME time!

I survived Tuesday, to tell you the truth the thought of Tuesday was harder for me than the actual day.  Also I was so busy at work that I barely sat down until 2:30 when I finally got to eat my lunch.  Such is my life lately BUSY, BUSY, BUSY!

I'm not trying to complain because quite honestly I like to be busy, but I am going to.  I'm the kind of person that hate's having nothing to do, a full calendar makes me happy.  But lately the feeling of overwhelmed hits me like a ton of bricks roughly around 8pm every Tuesday without fail, and doesn't go away until about the same time Thursday night.  Seriously a 2 day 20 hour work week would be totally fine with me.   I mentioned it before but my husband started a new job the first week of August.  When he's working he is out of town, since he started he has been home for a grand total of I think 6 days....6 days folks, out of 46...so yeah, I'm not used to being a single parent.  And I work 10 hour shifts, an hour from home...do the math I get up at 4:30am get myself ready for work, get Addison up and head to the babysitters house by 5:15-5:20am, I leave work at 5:30 pm, drive to my car, drive to the sitters, get home at just about 10 minutes to 7...7PM.  That's real close to 14 hour days outside the house.    Andplusalso, I still have to make Addison and I dinner, find time to do household things, I try and squeeze in a workout, give Addison a bath and get her in bed close to 9.  Nights without toddler breakdowns aren't that horrible, but let me tell you right now on I-didn't-get-enough-nap-break-down-of-the-century-nights, we are both lucky to make it out alive - FOR REAL.  Of course after I get her to be I then spend any time I can editing pictures for an hour or two (lately till 11:30 when I curse myself for staying up too late).  After 2 days I am exhausted, and I still have 2 days left to go.  THANKFULLY it is Thursday (my Friday) and tomorrow I will go back to LOVING working 4 10's cause having a 3 day weekend every weekend is wonderful, it would just be nice to not be so stressed out all week long.  Part of me (a ginormous part of me) wishes I was a stay at home mom, or an I only work part time mom right now.

Breathing time, I need some.  And a few chill pills.

On top of my "real job", I've been doing my photography on the side, where busy is a good great thing, but adding to my stress level.  I've had a VERY busy September, and I love it, but wow I've had a session (or two) almost every day that I've not worked my real job.  Making me feel even more like I don't want to go to work Mon-Thurs.  I was actually relieved when one of my sessions this weekend rescheduled with me to give me an extra free day and I had purposely left one open because I knew I needed some time off.  (I have things that need paint on them!)

Good news is Tony has next week off.  ALL WEEK.  So we will be happy to have him home.  Partly because we miss him, mostly because mommy is going crazy.  :)  a little extra sleeping for me, and hopefully a lot less stress.  I got us tickets to the Lion's game on our anniversary so I am looking forward to that on the 30th also!

So excuse any extra absentmindedness, bitchiness, or my ability to just not notice anything around me.  My brain has no time for anyone else's crap.  I am dead on my feet and I think I might start developing narcolepsy.  For reals.

Anxious

 I'm completely filled with anxiety over tomorrow actually happening.  366 days ago (it is a leap year) was the last time I ever talked to my dad.   Just thinking about September 18th actually happening makes it a little hard to breathe.  I know that it's just another day on the calendar and nothing spectacular is going to happen,  but, how is it possible that a whole year has already passed?  It still feels like it was yesterday.

The fact that it's been a year just makes him seem that much more gone I guess.  I still can feel the panic I felt last year when I got the phone call just thinking about it.  So not looking forward to having to actually having to experience tomorrow.  The good things - I have a super busy work day to help keep my mind busy throughout the day so that will be helpful.  Also, as vividly as I remember the day he passed away, I can also remember the last night that we were lucky enough to have decided to have a "small" (HUGE) bonfire in the back yard with Dad, Gail, Nick & Joey.  I can remember laughing and joking with him, him holding Addison letting her pull all over his beard saying he was training her for Santa.  Talking about teaching Addison to pick up the walnuts for money when she got bigger because she was obsessed with all the "balls" that were falling in the yard.  Making a pan of brownies and my sweets loving Dad & Nick devouring them.  He mocked my driving skills and I had to remind him that he was the one who taught me in his old maroon truck back when I was 15.  And I remember him struggling to place a pop in his cooler that was too low to the ground for him to bend, and him stopping outside of his truck before driving home because his neck was hurting/spasming where he had had his surgery in July to remove the blockage in his carotid artery.  Both of which were hard to watch and made me thing, wow my parents are really starting to get old.  (not DEAD, not DYING, just older....)

And so here we are 1 year later.  It's gonna happen whether we like it or not.  It makes me sad all that he's (we're) missing out on (him) being a part of.  Nick and Joey got the push they needed to finally get married, I know he was waiting for that for a long time and losing him may be what finally made them do it.  Family gatherings are not the same without my smart ass dad  (though I must admit the whole family carries this gene).  I can't attend a wedding with a daddy daughter dance without tearing up (proven by Satuday's most recent wedding!  (Can you all just refrain from playing butterfly kisses or I loved her first at your weddings when dancing with your fathers? K, thanks!).  So many grandkid moments he'll never get to be a part of, and so many changes in our lives that I'd love to share.  

We miss you Dad!!