Still Feels Like a Bad Dream

There are supposedly five stages to grief, Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance.  I don't know where I fall in all of that, but I know it still doesn't feel real.  Maybe because I still expect to go for a walk and pass my brothers house and see his truck in the driveway and maybe he'll see us and come out and chat for a few mins.  At a bonfire I expect to turn around and see my dad standing there like he was so many times.  I know he's gone, it just doesn't seem real.

I had a dentist appointment again today for this lovely root canal that has turned into the biggest fiasco to hit my mouth EVER, we are on round 3 of cleaning out the tooth and round 3 or is it 4 of antibiotics now, in hopes that the infection will finally clear and they can close it.  Otherwise its endodontist bound for me and my mouth.  When I left the office I figured while I was in Albion I would stop at the cemetery for the first time since the funeral.    It was harder today to be there than it was the day of the funeral.

There is no headstone yet just flowers marking the grave.  A family friend made a cross with Dad's name birth date & date of death on it that my brother stopped by this evening to show me before he took it out there to place at the grave site tonight.  Guess it was a good day to go visit Dad.

This is my "in the works" memorial garden at the house for Dad, some of the mums from the funeral.  Planning on painting a quote onto the small flat rock in the very front.  

When I told Tony that I stopped at the cemetery today he asked me if I told Dad about the Lions cause he would of liked that.  :)  Yes, yes he would have.